Suddenly

I’ve got to write this
To clear the chest-pressing need
Of acceptance
Of ideas on TV
Of parallel views
Of truthful words tendered.

Life graces too soon to convene the ripeness of age
Too soon to even be felt, thus once there
It is almost deeper than it should
Stranger than it looks.
Once there, it is full of debt; of health and wealth
It is gorged with scenes of untold tales of hope and trust and lust.

Ways secured, options hindered
Fretting chances of ease, placating vivacity
We are left with nothing much
Nothing that differs from that of others’ who led past
With desires left unveiled.

on the trail yet again
of somehow somewhere someone will turn and say forget it
hopeless pursuit, you are in vain
it's not futile
that someone somewhere somehow will see and sense it
fruitful quest, flawless trial
following the trail, casting apathy
which someone somehow somewhere will track and trace it
only to gain the notion of strive, awaken
and acceptance
It is so and it is done.

22 years...

Went for a meeting the other day (excuse me for starting this with a lame event- meeting!) and who would guess that my School-sis was there too! Imagine after 22 years...and the best part of it both of us still talked about boys! Haha...just like the old days. Pretty scary as well when we dont seem to age as we are supposed to, u know, being in our late thirties now and still stuck with the memories of when we were seventeen, when the sight of your boyfriend's shadow can give us sleepless nights. Leave that aside, we shared too, the fun we had having teachers like Lim Eng Hua a.k.a DEH, Chow Lai Heng who always wore the same shirt to class; the whole week! and with a safety pin on it, in replacement of a missing button! Though we have been out of each other's sight for over 2 decades, we still share a few things; among others, our line of work and of course we didnt marry our school sweethearts...

It came to me today that I have been doing what I am doing for almost sixteen years now! Yeah, I could say that I like it and I hate it as well. The like part- parting knowledge to others, though I always feel I should do more of it than I do at the moment. The hate part- I hardly have time for myself let alone my other part of the life I'm living! Really, it is worse than anybody could think of. I go to work when I should be enjoying my sleep for another 45 minutes (yes, it counts!). My workload is like, hmmm how shall I say it, oh yes, like the ever running waterfall, and at that pace too. Then the coming home time, my oh my, I am lucky if I can at least watch a CSI (be it Vegas, Miami or NY) to the very end. But at least Supernatural, the latest season is not yet on so, I dont miss Dean that much. And at the end of everything, satisfaction..it's a myth or what?

The Blood of Flowers

A moment ago I flipped and read through the last page of the novel. Breathtaking! Its pull towards my interest seemed stronger and stronger starting from page 1. Even my boys' antics became milder than usual for the two reading-days I spent on it. It's a story( a few stories actually) within a story, a style that reminds me of The Taming of The Shrew. If ever one wants to relish in middle east culture opulence through a woman's eyes-savour this book.

Remembering

Ramadhan and the past

blend, disguise, surprise

Ramadhan snatches and offers

Opposites in the same stance in life.



A mark meant to last.

A Stranger

You will always be a stranger-it won’t change.
Leave it to the moments that painfully drag the sadness,
the sculpted thoughts-one hard enough yet caressing
won’t leave you till the last breath inhaled.

You are a stranger-nothing can change it
nor could it be changed.
In time, you will learn to be one, to feel as one.

I too, am a stranger
in my own life.
True enough.